Exciting news!!!

Okay, so I've been M.I.A lately. Been busy with my family & summer but I have some exciting news to share with everyone. I recently became a Royale Apparel Ambassador! You have to check out the boutique. Seriously the cutest clothes I've seen, especially our fall preview ones!

Go to Royale Apparel

Check out the fall items & at checkout use code FallStephanie for 30% off your purchase plus free shipping on all fall items! You have until 8/17 to use the code! Tomorrow I will be sharing one of my favorite tops and 3 of my favorite pieces of jewelry! Stay tuned!

Happy Shopping Loves!! Xo

What the Future holds & possibly more Babies?

Lately, I've been asking everyone for their prayers and such without letting them know what we need the prayers for. As, most of you know my husband is in the Army & that comes with decisions.. Recently, we talked about him volunteering for Recruiting. We went back and forth about the pros and cons, & if it was something he really wanted to do. I mean, secretly in my mind I'm being selfish hoping and crossing every part of my body wanting him to switch from Infantry to Recruiting, even if it is just for a few years.

Pros about Recruiting:
- No deployments (unless truly needed)
- We get to move closer to family (I mean A LOT closer)
- Its a normal 9-5 job pretty much (at least from what I've heard)

Cons about Recruiting:
- NOTHING (well in my eyes)

I've tried researching about it and even though I've been an Army Wife now for 4.5 years, I still don't know every term in the book, nor do I really understand most of it. If Henry got Recruiting, we'd pick to move to Erie, Pa or somewhat close to it, since my family is there. Losing my dad a year ago, made me realize that family & time is precious and you never know whats going to happen. But, that's another story on another day.. Anyways, We're still young he's 25 and I'm 24 so we still have time to figure out where we want to permanently live (aka plant our roots). But so far we're pretty sure it would be around the Erie area.

Now, if he doesn't get approved for Recruiting we do have back up plans. Since we've been here at Fort Drum for over 4 years now (actually feels like FOREVER), we'd want to go somewhere else.

The places on our list are:
Fort Carson (Colorado)
Fort Stewart or Fort Benning (Georgia)
Fort Meade (Maryland)
Virginia (there are a bunch of Posts there so whichever would be available for his job)

So, if he doesn't get approved, I do hope one of those places are opened up for us. But, for now all we can do is sit and wait, and hope that luck will be on our side.

Now onto the BABY subject.. I'm sure you were waiting for this part. Lately, I've had a bunch of friends ask me when or if we were going to have anymore children. We have 3 boys right now, if you didn't know. Its not a surprise to anyone that I've always wanted a girl.. but let me set the record straight, I'm not having more kids JUST to get a girl.. Never was or will that be my intention. I love my kids and I've always wanted 4 kids. Henry wants 8 but no way in hell is that happening, haha. So, 4 is a happy medium. When will it happen? Who knows.. right now I'm content with 3 and I'm just enjoying them and watching them grow up. We never really talked about when we would try for a fourth. Cameron and Ethan are 2 years & 8 days apart and then Ethan & Landen are 2 years & 8 months apart. I love having them all so close together.. but for me I think I want Landen to be at least 3 years old before we decide on another. Yes, I will still be hoping for a girl, but another boy will still be amazing, and my love for that baby wouldn't change. As long as he/she is healthy, that's all that matters. If your wondering if we have any names picked.. Yes for a girl I have a name picked & Henry has a named picked.. we both wont budge or come to an agreement, so when the time comes its going to be a little bit of an argument, haha. As for boys, I have a few in mind and yes itll end in a N just like the boys (which btw, I never noticed we went with a N theme til we named Landen, so now we must stick with it, lol), but nothing that I'm definite on.. Like I said it'll be awhile...

So, there you go.. What everyone has been wondering & asking you now know. :) Send all your luck our way, & when we get an answer I will definitely be sharing!

XOXO

Potty Training at its Finest.

Where should I begin with this subject? This is my second time potty training and let me just say that this time around has been the hardest. With my first he was trained within a week. I know every child is different, but I had some hopes with my middle child knowing that his Big Brother goes on the potty that, that would help. I was wrong.

Finally, yesterday while Ethan, Landen, & I were shopping at Target, one of my favorite stores EVER. We went to the kids section and Ethan spotted some Despicable Me underwear.. He said "Mom, I want those, no more diaper".. I was all over that. I wish they had more options but a 3 pk would do for now, plus they were only $5.99, not too bad of a price. Plus, we got some Spider-Man goodnite underwear in case of accidents.

As soon as we got home he wanted to put them on. So I did but then here came the accidents. He hasn't gotten the concept that he needs to tell me BEFORE he goes, lol. Instead he keeps coming to me afterwards. Like a friend said, I have to stay consistent and that's what I'm going to do. I refuse to put a diaper back on him! In the meantime, I'll just have a lot of laundry to do, as if I don't have enough anyways, lol.

If you have any advice you'd like to share please do so! Email, Comment here, or Instagram me :) Like Mickey says, I'm allll ears!

Landen's Birth Story.

Wow, a year already. This time last year my husband was deployed & my in laws were staying with me to help out with my two boys, plus our new addition that was soon to be arriving.

March 21, 2013.. two days before my due date I had my 40 week check up. Like every other appointment they checked the baby's heart beat, measured the belly, & asked if I would like to be checked for any progress. I was only 2cm and 50% effaced.. My midwife had asked if I wanted her to strip my membranes.. Now I had heard from other moms that the process was A. Painful and B. Uncomfortable. I asked for her opinion and decided why not.. so, we went ahead and did it. It wasn't as painful as I thought but it was really uncomfortable and instantly I started cramping. The rest of the day I felt sick but my mother in law and I decided to take the boys for a long walk to hopefully get labor started. No luck.

March 22, 2013.. the day before my due date I was "cramping" throughout the whole day. We had pizza that night & decided after dinner to head to the mall to get some walking in. We were in Charlotte Russe when I noticed I had to go to the bathroom so I rushed to the nearest store with a bathroom and that was Burlington. Now they say when labor is approaching your body will "clean" itself out, sure enough it did. I never dealt with any of this before with my other two, at least I don't remember. So, we decided it was time to go and we rushed home to rest. That night I always got a call from Henry (since he was deployed) around 11pm-12am. When he called I had let him know what had happened and I was for sure at that moment I was having contractions. I could barely breathe so I had to cut the conversation short, which I hated. I knew I had to try and get some rest incase the big moment came.

March 23, 2013.. my due date.. early that morning around 2am I woke up with excruciating contractions, I wasn't sure if it was a false alarm or what.. so to help I walked around my room for about a half hour texting my sister and mom to let them know. I finally gave in at around 2:45am and texted my mother in law who was in the next room that I thought it was time. We got ready, grabbed our bags and left. I'm pretty sure she ran every red light, because I thought it was time because that's how bad the pain was. We get to the hospital around 3:15am and they decided to admit me. They hooked me up to the montiors and took down my information. They wanted to record the baby's heart rate for a little before checking me. They checked me about an hour later and I was only 2cm but 75% effaced.. I was SHOCKED.. with my first two I never ever had that much pain at only 2cm, usually this pain to me was about 7 or 8 cm's. So, they had me walk around the room and told me to only sit if I got tired.. a few hours went by and at around 6:30am they checked me again. This time I was 4cm and still 75% effaced. The midwife on call gave me the option to either stay in the hospital and wait it out or go home shower and rest.. I definitely took the second option since I hate hospitals. They discharged me around 7am and told everyone it was a false alarm. I remember begging my mother in law to not hit any pot holes. When we got home, I let my in laws know that I was going to try and get some sleep to hopefully get these contractions under control. I went to sleep around maybe 8am and didn't wake up until 1pm-1:30pm. I took a hot shower & what do you know the dreaded contractions were back! The shower didn't help and by time I got ready it was about 2:30pm. I went down stairs to sit at my table.. shaking my foot and rocking back and forth and nothing was working. My mother in law decided to time my contractions as I was writing them down and we noticed they were getting closer together. By 3:30pm they were about 4-5 minutes apart and with a 15 minute ride to the hospital we knew we had to go. So, once again we grabbed our bags and I gave my boys the biggest hugs and kisses and we went to the hospital. They admitted me again at around 4:15pm-4:30pm and they checked me. This time I was 7cm and 100% effaced! I basically slept through most of my laboring process. Thank god, but the pain started to get unbearable and I was begging my wonderful nurse to please get the anesthesiologist but my luck he was home so they had to call him in.. By the time he got there I was 8cm, almost was unable to get it.. I would of freaked out. I remember hunching over my mother in law crying wishing Henry was there. With the pain and crying I had no idea he even pricked me.. What a relief that was! I received a FB messaged as soon as I laid back down and it was a photographer I was going to have to my birth photos since she was doing them for free or deployed soldiers. But at the time she was booked but luckily the lady backed out and she wanted to do them. It was about 7pm and she was on her way. When she arrived she was maybe only there for about 45 minutes when I felt like I had to poop.. & we know what that means.. PUSHING TIME! My mother in law called the midwife and nurses to let them know. When they checked me she was in shock because I had just became 10cm. The baby wasn't even crowning yet but I felt the urge to push. At 8:11pm I started pushing & 8 minutes later, my beautiful baby boy was born. I cried with all my children but this time I was filled with such emotions because of everything I was dealing with. (those stories to come) We named him Landen Derick. Landen because we both loved that name and Derick for my dad. (my dads name was Frederick). With each pregnancy you worry about not having enough love to go around, but looking at my baby's my heart grew bigger. I don't know where I would be today without my precious baby boys. <3

Time Heals all Wounds.

What a stressful few years it's been.. I went through a pregnancy, my husband deployed, gave birth without my husband, & I lost my father. I honestly have no idea how I got through any of that. Right now just typing this little paragraph my eyes are starting to tear up, it's still a struggle to deal with everything God has dealt me.

Landen's first birthday is approaching & 2 weeks later it'll be my dads 1 year anniversary. It's definitely hard to celebrate a beautiful life we were given but also to mourn a life that was taken away from us. Where's the happy medium? Every time I look at Landen I can't help but think of my dad.. Landen's middle name was supposed to be Matthew but because I knew my dads situation and knowing he would either be gone before the birth or afterwards, I wanted to honor my dad in some way. My dads name is Frederick & that really isn't a middle name, so I gave my dad two options either Eric or Derick & he chose Derick. Part of me believes he picked Derick not only because he liked it but because of Derek Jeter on his favorite baseball team.. The Yankees. But I will never know why he chose Derick over Eric. 

I learned grieving has no time limit.. You can go years without a tear being shed and all of a sudden something reminds you of that person and your in a ball crying. The last 11 months, I've felt like going into a ball and crying.. But I have a family to take care of and they come first before my emotions. Some days I just can't shake me being sad and I can tell the boys know something is wrong. All I can tell them is mommy is fine and everything will be okay. But when will it be okay? I wish I had the answer.. I truly wish I knew when this grieving process would be over it. But like everyone says "time heals all wounds".. 

Rest in peace Dad. We love & miss you.

J'Adore VoxBox

The other day when I went to check my maill box I wasn't expecting anything but the normal junk mail, bills, or magazines. When I opened my mailbox I was surprised to see I had a key for the bigger boxes.. I hadn't ordered anything so I thought it was odd. When I opened it I noticed a Influenster voxbox was in there. I was excited to see what was in there since this was only my second one I had received since being a member. In the box contained:

A family size bag of Hersheys Kisses
Men spray lotion from Vaseline
KISS eyelashes
John Frieda Frizz Ease 3 day straight flat iron spray
Ionic Clay Mask from Boots Botanics
& last but not least 3 tea bags from Red Rose Tea

Of course my family of boys loved the hershey kisses, that would have to be one of my favorite chocolates. The vaseline lotion really isn't greasy like most lotions are and it has a nice cologne smell to it, my husband liked it. As for the tea, I'm not a huge hot tea drinker, but the red rose tea, definitely changed my mind, I loved it. The lemon one was my favorite. Who doesn't need some sort of flat iron spray when you straighten your hair? I know everytime I'm done with my hair it always frizzes, but the John Frieda solution will not disappoint you. I tried the clay mask on my husband because he'll pretty much do whatever, lol. His comments on it was, it is messy but after you wash it off your face, your face is instantly smooth. The only thing I haven't tried were the eyelashes, because I haven't had anywhere fancy to go, but when I do I can't wait to try them out. :)

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

Normally around Thanksgiving I would have had a session booked for Christmas pictures. But for some reason it felt like time flew and bam, Christmas will be here in 18 days! So, today I decided to just take a nice picture of my boys in front of one of our Christmas trees. I remember seeing one of Wifessionals & Hooah and Hiccups Instagram posts about Walgreens app and how they made their Christmas cards within 5 minutes. Too myself, I thought no way. But those ladies were right And thank god they were, because I really didn't want to have to go out in the cold to the store to stand there and print picture cards. So here's was I did.. I downloaded the app to my iPad.

On the left hand side I clicked on the picture icon.

It brought me here and it gave a lot of different cards to choose from. 

I chose this card. Very simple instructions.

And Voila! They're done and ready for pickup within the hour!

Very, very, easy and simple to do. Why go out in the cold and stand there when you can just do it in the comfort of your own home!

Meet Sullivan.

This isn't your typical Elf on the Shelf. The normal Elf on the Shelf is about $30. I originally was going to splurge on it but then I was a little worried my kids wouldn't be so much into it. So, my sister in law decided to start making her own. She made one for her son last year & knowing I was wanting one for the boys she decided to make one for them! 

Night 1. Meet Sullivan.

The boys decided on the name Sullivan because of Sully in Monsters Inc. I thought it was adorable, plus I love the name. They found Sullivan in the morning hanging from our garland in our dining room.

Night 2.

They found Sullivan just hanging around in Mommys stocking.

Night 3.

The boys found Sullivan sitting on our bookshelf reading one of Cameron's book. Smart little elf.

Since I'm caught up, every day I will post where the boys found Sullivan and what he was up too. So far they like that Sullivan is here to watch over them for Santa.

So I want to know, do you have an elf hanging around at your house?  If you what is your Elf's name and what has he or she been up too? :)

Being Thankful.

With Thanksgiving coming up I decided to write a post about being thankful. I know every year on social media everyone does the 30 days of thankfulness. Shouldn't we be thankful 365 days a year? I know I am. I have so much to be thankful for. As you know, 2013 has been a rough year, being 7 months pregnant to have your husband deploy, having a baby with any of your family or spouse, & losing a loved one, I'd say I'm ready for this year to be over. This year I'm most thankful for being able to go see my dad during his last weeks of his life. I will never forget those memories for as long as I live. Another thing I'm thankful for are my three healthy little boys. Without them I would have crumbled during my dads death, they kept my mind off things when they should have been difficult. I'm also thankful for having my mom. I was so worried we would lose her also after my fathers death. When my grandfather died 11 years ago, my grandmother was so heartbroken she lost her way and ended up passing away exactly 3 months later. So, because of that I'm constantly worried. But my mom has promised us that she will be here for us and her grand kids, that's all we could ask for.

So tell me, what are you most thankful for this year?

CaraBox (Reveal Post)

I've been sooo excited for this post! This was my first CaraBox exchange & what a great experience this was. At first, I was a little nervous to see who my partners would be. You get one partner that sends you a box and then you get another partner that your sending a box too. You have about a month to get to know each other & there is always a theme for the box. The theme this time was a fall one. Heather over at drakeandheathersully.blogspot.com did such a great job on her first cara box!

(Excuse the pictures they aren't the greatest but next time I promise they will be). My husband went to go check our mail and he handed me this box, I had completely forgotten the box was on its way. Like a giddy child I couldn't wait to open it. :)

I opened it to find all these amazing goodies in it!

My partner Heather sent me a Smash book, basically it's a Journal/Scrapbook. I never saw one before but I love the idea of it! A package of scones to bake, a coffee mug, two scrapbook stickers, 2 bags of caramel filled with apples, a pumpkin mitten for the oven, and an amazing sign to hang up.

I can't decide which is my favorite because all of it is. My husband devoured half of the caramels, so I know he loved those, they were delicious. I'm saving the scones for Thanksgiving morning for breakfast :) I've been dying to make those! I found it funny that she sent me a mug with a Fleur-de-lis  on it because my mom had just sent me a charm of that symbol, maybe it means something, lol. The smash book I'm waiting on Landen's first birthday to start in it :) and the pumpkin mit I pretty much use everyday, fall or not fall. 

When I was looking through all the amazing stuff I opened the book to find out Heather had written a message in it.

I couldn't have been matched with a better partner, were both mothers and military wives, we have a lot in common. I hope one day through the travels in the army we cross paths so we can meet each other. She has such a big heart & hope we can stay in touch. <3

First Fundraiser.

Do you remember what it was like doing a fundraiser for your school? It's like pulling teeth. It's my sons first fundraiser and it's very hard to find people who would like to help him make his goal. We have a goal to sell $250 worth of items. So far my son is at $72 which isn't too bad, considering he started only two days ago. If you would love to help a little boy out please do, anything will help. He's very excited about it.. Here's the information.

WEBSITE- www.fun-in-fundraising.com
LOGIN- AntwerpSchool
PASSWORD- Antwerp2013

Online orders are good until November 29. If you do order please let me know, you're more then welcomed to email me. :)

Thanks so much!

Weekend Recap.

Okay, so when I left off my oldest whose 5 had a stomach bug, my middle whose 3 had pneumonia, and my little 7 month old just had a cough.. What a weekend it was.

The night of Halloween my 3 year old was complaining his legs were hurting, didn't think anything of it.. I just thought maybe the cold was bothering him. That night I noticed he was pretty warm & decided to take his temperature. It came out to be 100.3, I gave him some Motrin hoping it would help, he went to bed and was fine. For some odd reason I decided to look out his window. I did a double take, thinking I was half asleep, but I noticed our trampoline was almost in the middle of the road.. Yes, that's how bad the winds were. The wind flipped our heavy trampoline over our fence a few times and landed near the street. I wake up my husband it was around 4am and we go outside as it's pouring to take apart our trampoline. I was secretly hoping our neighbors would be getting ready for work and look out the window, but nope. Lol I was thinking were the only people out here in the weather taking apart a damn trampoline.. Come to find out two others had been doing the same thing we were doing, so I didn't feel so awkward.

Anyways, The next morning, I checked it again and it was 100.3, gave him some more Motrin and it went away. That night he was burning up like a pan had just came out of the oven. I take his temp and it turns out to be 102.6.. Panic mode sets in. I give him Motrin and my husband puts these Be Cool fever patches on his forehead to bring it down. But I noticed he had started to shake a little and his heart was racing. We decided it would be best for my husband to rush him down to the ER about 15-20 minutes away and I'd stay home with our oldest and little one since it was around 10pm.

Panic mode sets in again because my husband never texted me to let me know they got there safe. The weather was horrible that night, hurricane like winds and rain pouring down. So, I'm texting him and calling him.. Nothing. I text his mother to let her know what was going on  and she had told me to call the ER. I call the ER to make sure they were there and the receptionist let me know they had checked in. A few hours go by and I still hadn't heard anything. I call my mom freaking out so she had my brother in law call to see if he could be transferred. Well, its against the law to be transferred.. Few more house later around 1am my husband FINALLY calls me.. Our son has pneumonia. They did every test possible and found some water in his lungs, so they told him to give Motrin every 6 hours, Tylenol every 4 hours, and then his prescription every 12 hours for 10 days.

Meanwhile, on their way home my oldest Cameron wakes up out of nowhere and throws up... All over the couch '& rug. It was just bad.. My husband and Ethan get home around 1:30am and he seems perfectly normal, not a child that is sick. So, we stay up for awhile and I decide just to leave my husband on the big couch and Cameron on the love seat, so if he has to throw up it would just be easier to roll over and puke in the bucket.. Mind you Cameron still sleeps with my husband and I.. I know I know, don't judge lol. For the first time ever I let Ethan sleep with me. I couldn't let him this sick sleep in his room, I'd be up all night worried. We both must of fell asleep around 3am.

So, there is my weekend recap, what did you do this weekend?

Okay, so it's been awhile.

It's been awhile since I have blogged, but lately my days have been hectic! Ever since my son started school, my days start at 6:45am and I'm busy all day with my LO and my middle son. Something happened to my son in school so that is also why I haven't been able to blog about anything, my focus has been on what has happened.

But, how was your Halloween?! Ours was eh.. It was pouring and windy, basically just horrible! My son ended up with pneumonia, my oldest ended up with a stomach bug, and my LO (knock on wood) just has a cough.

What were your children for Halloween?  Here were mine:

Super Mario Bros & a Mini Tootsie Roll! How cute, I know!

12 years later..

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day? - Alan Jackson

That one lyric probably runs through your head atleast once on this day. September 11th.

I will never forget where I was. Bayonet Point Middle School, I had just left my first period class, got to my second period which was math & I saw my first period teacher come in and whisper to our teacher to turn on the news. He turned on the TV & I just remember the classroom was silent, you could hear a pin drop. We all sat and watch the first tower engulfed in smoke and news crews explaining what was going on. Was it a mistake? Was a plane hijacked? No one knew at first. We got dismissed early that day, so we went home and watched it on TV.

I'm a New Yorker at heart, born and raised in Staten Island. I miss living there and miss being only a bridge away from the city. If we could afford to live there or near there it would be an option for sure.  Growing up my sister and I were in commercials and extras in movies, so we were always in the city or in one of the boroughs. (No one ever believes us but we have proof lol). So I knew what the twin towers were, not many who aren't from New York did know what they were. One of my moms jobs when she was starting out was at a bank in the World Trade Center, but because it was somewhere near the 90th floor and she didn't like heights, she decided to quit (thank god). 

One of my moms good friends from the post office on Staten Island actually lost her son on that day. He worked in one of the WTC and believe it was on a level where one of the planes hit so he was trapped. His wife was pregnant with her third child at the time and due around that time, when my mom told me that story I got goosebumps and still do. I can't imagine losing a loved one to something so heinous. One of my dads friend Greg worked in the WTC also, but was late to work that day.. Talk about being lucky. And then one of my grandparents neighbors who we pretty much grew up with, his father worked a few blocks over from the WTC, he sent me a picture of the tower engulfed in the smoke.. To this day I can't find that picture. 

My thoughts & prayers go out to all the families who lost someone on that day. One day we'll be able to visit ground zero & view the beautiful fountain that was built in memory of all the firefighters, police officers, workers, pilots, flight attendants, & people aboard the plane who lost their lives. Not only should we remember the WTC, but we also need to remember all the people who lost lives at the pentagon & the flight that was taken over in PA. We also need to remember all the lives lost in this war since the attacks happened. Take a minute to thank our soldiers for what they do and take a minute today to have a moment of silence, maybe light a candle for dinner and say a pray. All the families today need our country's love & support.

Thank you to my husband, his friends, & other soldiers who risk their lives everyday.

It'll all get Better in Time.

This will be my first emotional & very personal post. Please bare with me.

(Rewind back to 7/2012) I haven't saw my family in a good 3-4 years, due to the Army. Not only is my husband in the military, my brother in law was also enlisted. He ended up getting stationed in Alaska, so that is why I hadn't seen them in so long & my parents decided to move there as well. When I found out my brother in law was getting out & my family was moving to Erie, Pa I was estatic! Erie is only 4.5 hours from Fort Drum (where we are now). My parents moved back in July first and got everything settled for my sister and her husband & kids to move their way over. Since, my husband had to go to California for NTC (training before deployment) in August for a month, I figured I would go there with my boys & stay for the month.

On August 15th, (my birthday & day before we were leaving for Pa) my mom called me to tell me some news. My dad had gone to the ER to get a bump on his head checked out because it seemed like a bug bite in Alaska, but only got bigger. That's when I heard her say "Steph, dad has cancer". My heart dropped into my stomach. That's all we knew, we didn't know if it was a benign or malignant tumor at the time. I was baffled... My dad was very healthy, never had health problems (except getting part of his colon removed in Alaska) other then that he was fine.

A few weeks after getting to Pa & finally seeing my family and catching up, my dad went for his head surgery to remove the tumor. I give him props because that's hard to decide, getting your skull cut opened isn't easy, but he was the type of guy that would overcome anything.

Few days later, he got the results back from the surgery. The tumor was malignant.
malignant tumor

a tumor that is malignant and tends to spread to other parts of the body

He was in denial, actually we ALL were in denial about it. He didn't want to hear or believe it. The tumor had already spread to parts of his kidney & lungs, the doctor gave him 6 months - 12 months to live. If he decided on taking the chemotherapy then it was lengthen his life by just a few months, he didn't want the chemo. He saw how bad my grandfather got from it to where your almost bed ridden most of the time from being sick. He did however decide to do some radiation for parts of the tumor they couldn't get out. Didn't work. September came around, Henry came home, so the boys & I went home. Saying bye to my dad was so hard, next time I would see him would be Christmas time. 

When we went there for the holidays, I knew it would be my last holidays with my father. By this time you could tell he was sick, his face & body got skinnier. I was already 6 months pregnant & was preparing for Henry to deploy that January. What a way to end the year right? I gave my dad his gift and ill never forget his face. It was a Yankees picture (he loves the Yankees & NY Giants), he loved it, and hung it up right away. This would be our last picture with our dad.

& this was our last picture with him. 

It was now January & at the end of the month was gone.. Back to Afghanistan for a second time he went. I just felt so alone with everything going on. My in laws drove up in February to help out (I was due in March). My dad always kept texting me saying "I hope I'm around to see the baby". He wanted to see that baby so badly & he held on. I had the baby on March 23, 2013 & this would be the last text message I would ever receive from my dad.

He had no idea what I was planning.. My sister and nephew traveled by Amtrak up here to drive with me and the boys back to Pa. 7 days after giving birth I was on my way to see my dad and stay with him until it was his time to go. (That's right, one week after giving birth, stitches and all I still went) When we arrived that night on April 1st he was shocked, he said "Steph what are you doing?" I was holding the baby trying to hold back tears & I said "dad, see the baby". He was out of it, he had gotten worse since the last time I saw him. He put out his arms to hold the baby & my mom said no because he was too weak & shakey, he got mad & I felt horrible. He would never be able to hold his last grandson & I regretfully never got a picture with him and the baby. 

Exactly 2 weeks of me being there on April 15, I got up to feed the baby and get ready to bring my nephew to school. My sister went downstairs to check on our dad like she did every morning & all of a sudden I heard her yell "Steph, dads not breathing"... My heart sank & I became blank. I handed her the baby told her to calm down, I went down there to check it out, went around his bed, felt his boney chest and felt his cold hands.. He was gone. My dad lost his battle to lung cancer. He was such a fighter. He held on to the very end. I give my mom and my sister a lot of kudos for what they did for him. Although I helped also, they were more hands on with him, I don't know maybe because I'm younger. 

I ran upstairs to wake my mom up & told her what happened, I put the baby in his bassinet and we all went downstairs. My mom called the hospice nurse and told her the news. I just remember all of us crying, saying he's in a better place with no more pain. It felt so unreal. I just sat there staring, couldn't believe what I was seeing. Hospice came, checked him out, gave my mom his time of death, filled out paperwork, & that's when the funeral home came. My mom was worried about me seeing all of this so she asked if I wanted to be there to watch and I said yes.. I was there for him the last two weeks, I will be there for him now I thought. They took his body away & he was on his way to the funeral home to be cremated.  

The night before the social worker for hospice had sent out a Red Cross message for Henry to come home. Thankfully he was already on his way but he never got to say bye to my dad. The next day my mom, sister, and I went to the funeral home to say our last goodbyes. We watched as the funeral director pushed him into the crematory. Something I will never forget. I don't wish any of this on my worst enemy. 

These last six months have been nothing but a struggle. Being pregnant, my husband deploying, having a baby without my husband, & losing my dad. Everyday my baby is a reminder of my dad. He will never get to meet my dad and my dad will never be able to see him grow up. On the 15th, my dad will be gone 5 months & it hasn't gotten easier, they say time heals all wounds, but a lot of time is going to have to pass for me to be able to get over it and move on. Right now it just doesn't seem possible. Something I found so weird was, my birthday is 8/15 and my dad passed away 8 months to the day he found out he had cancer on the 15th.. Coincidence? Landen's middle name is Derick.. My dads name is Frederick and my mom had asked my dad if he liked Eric or Derick better for the baby and he picked Derick. And I'm happy I decided to go with Derick. Everyday I look at Landen &I just see my dad. I know my dad is watching over him and his brothers and he would be proud. 

How did you cope with a love ones death?

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Busy, is not the Word.

Sorry guys! It's been a little over a week since my last post, why is that? I've added some new things onto my motherly duties: packing school lunches, making sure my son has everything for school, & dropping & picking him up from the bus stop. I'm sure there's more, but these last few weeks I'm beyond exhausted!

My days start at 6:45 am, that may not seem early to you, but it is for me. Before my son started school we (the boys & I) would sleep in to atleast 8:30 am. Cameron has to be at his bus stop by 7:49 am. That gives me enough time to wake up all three boys, dress them, change the baby's diaper, feed them breakfast, brush their teeth, get Cameron's backpack ready, get all shoes on, & leave. Call me SuperMom.

During the day, I constantly wonder what Cameron is doing. Everyone has told me it'll get old & you'll get over him being in school but I probably won't. After that, I clean the whole house & try to get atleast a load or two of laundry done.. I HATE laundry. It's not so much washing it, it's lugging it all the way upstairs, folding it all, & putting it all away.. Just for the boys (including my husband) to wreck their draws. I'm sure other mothers & even wives without kids can't relate to that! Lol.

I make Ethan lunch plus his snacks & Landen is constantly eating also, so while trying to get them fed by 12/1 PM, I'm already worried about what we are going to have for dinner. Half the time I don't even feel like cooking. But, as a wife & mother that's one of my many jobs. After that, Landen goes down for his nap & I let Ethan go into his room and let him play some 'Minecraft' (he loves that game & for being 3 years old, he's pretty good), then I finally get to relax on my nice comfy bed, wishing I could nap. One of these days I will bribe Ethan into taking a nap with me, lol.

Finally, 4:00 PM rolls around & I'm waiting on Henry to get home, I get Landen changed and by 4:35 PM, we are on our way to Cameron's bus stop to pick him up. We get back home around 4:55 PM (sometimes the bus driver is early), and it's time to make dinner. We eat, give the boys a bath, brush their teeth, lay Ethan & Landen down for bed, & I finally get to relax with Cameron. We talk about his day & what he did. We watch some tv & he'll play on the iPad for a bit, then it's my favorite time BEDTIME!!

I'm sure I rambled on in this post but that's okay. I'm a mother and my days are constantly scrambled. Again, I'm sure you can relate! What are your days like lately? Whether if your a SAHM or a working mom.. How do you juggle all your tasks?!

Been Away & the First of Many.

Sorry for being away the past week, I've just been busy preparing my son for school & preparing for myself. Cameron had his Kindergarten open house on the 29th & he was soooo excited. He got to meet his teacher, meet a few classmates, & explore his classroom that hell be in the next 8-9 months.

The teacher had him sit at the table and color "his person". After he was done coloring the teacher would take it & hang it up in th hallway. He got to see where his cubby was and he put his rest blanket & art shirt in it. He got to see the board when their names are magnetized. When he goes into his class he will take his name and either put it on the picture that says "Mommy Made Me Lunch" or in the other options for school lunch.

He was told that all the children's name start out "white" & if his name turns orange he has to go into time out for 5 minutes, another color was 10 minutes off recess, and purple was being sent to the principles office. (I hope and pray he never reaches purple, lol) He is a little hyper & doesn't like to sit still so I just hope his teacher is patient.

When I was in kindergarten mind you I went to a Catholic School (which I actually loved) & we only had half days. You either had the morning session or afternoon session. Now in New York kindergarteners go to school all day, so I was shocked to see what he would be learning.

Social Goals
- sit and listen quietly for a reasonable period of time.
- speak in complete sentences.
- follow directions in several steps.
- be able to take care of personal needs independently.
- be respectful to others

Reading and Writing Goals
- recognize and write all letters of the alphabet.
- print first and last name.
- build a sight vocabulary.
- read grade level texts independently.
- write simple personal stories using standard conventions of English.
- demonstrate comprehension of ideas and events from fiction and non-fiction texts.

Math Goals
- classify and count numbers to 20.
- identify and describe shapes.
- comparisons with length, weight, and numbers to 10.
- number pairs, addition and subtraction to 10.
- counting to 100 by 1's and 10's.
- analyze, compare, create, and compose shapes.

It all seems so overwhelming, but I'm sure Cameron will do good. He has about 80% of this down, he just lacks on his writing skills & reading. According to other mothers, his teacher has the best reviews so that makes me excited.

Tomorrow is the first day of school, the first day of him not being home with me all day, first time riding the school bus, & the first time of me literally being worried every hour of the day. I know he's in good hands & I know he'll be fine.

Tomorrow is a first of many! How did you prepare for the first day of school?!

When is it enough?

I'm a HUGE Big Brother fan & what I've watched lately over the live feeds, is horrendous. In this day & age bullying just gets worse. Amanda continues to bully Elissa in the house & mind you Amanda is 28 years old. It amazes me that even growing up & maturing bullying is still being done. This is my one biggest fear for my children is to have to grow up in a society where people get away with bullying & nothing is done until something happens.

I always tell myself that I refuse to let my children be bullied or be the bully. Either one isn't going to happen. It's sad to see kids/adults having to go through something like this. Why do kids, even adults turn to bullying? To me, I think it's a self esteem issue. As for younger kids, I feel it could be their upbringing.

It's just a sad situation to see kids these days going through this. I see a lot of Lifetime movies that deal with these situations & more situations end up with someone committing suicide. :(

What do you think, we as a community should try and improve to bring awareness to bullying?

My thoughts are: sitting down with our children, discipline our children, know what's going on in their life.

Crock Pot Chicken Taco Bowl with Cilantro Lime Rice.

Again, today I wasn't sure what to make for dinner. So, I went through good ole Pinterest and looked through my pins & found this. Another delicious meal. A little spicy and Limey, but other then that it was an A+.

Chicken Taco Bowl Ingredients:

1 1/2 lb. chicken (4 large chicken breasts)

1/4 cup of water

1 cup of fresh salsa

1 tsp. of chili powder

3/4 tsp. of ground cumin

1/2 tsp of kosher salt

1 clove of garlic, minced

1 can of black beans, drained and rinsed

1 can of corn, drained

1/2 of lime juiced about 1/2 tbs.

1. Place your chicken in the crock pot and pour your water and salsa over the chicken.

2. Add your chili powder, ground cumin, salt, garlic, lime juice, black beans, and corn.

3. Cook on low heat for 6-8 house or until the chicken shreds easily.

4. Serve over rice. Optional toppings: shredded cheese, avocado, sour cream.

5. Serve with tortilla chips.

Cilantro Lime Rice Ingredients:

2 tbs. of butter

1 cup uncooked white long rice

Juice & zest 1 large lime

1 14oz. Can of chicken broth

1/4 cup finely chopped cilantro

3/4 tsp of salt and pepper to taste

1. In a skillet melt your butter with rice.

2. Add your chicken brother and the rest of the ingredients.

3. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover, & cook for 20 minutes or until liquid absorbs.

Enjoy! Please let me know what you think. :)

Expectant Mommy?

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