Time Heals all Wounds.

What a stressful few years it's been.. I went through a pregnancy, my husband deployed, gave birth without my husband, & I lost my father. I honestly have no idea how I got through any of that. Right now just typing this little paragraph my eyes are starting to tear up, it's still a struggle to deal with everything God has dealt me.

Landen's first birthday is approaching & 2 weeks later it'll be my dads 1 year anniversary. It's definitely hard to celebrate a beautiful life we were given but also to mourn a life that was taken away from us. Where's the happy medium? Every time I look at Landen I can't help but think of my dad.. Landen's middle name was supposed to be Matthew but because I knew my dads situation and knowing he would either be gone before the birth or afterwards, I wanted to honor my dad in some way. My dads name is Frederick & that really isn't a middle name, so I gave my dad two options either Eric or Derick & he chose Derick. Part of me believes he picked Derick not only because he liked it but because of Derek Jeter on his favorite baseball team.. The Yankees. But I will never know why he chose Derick over Eric. 

I learned grieving has no time limit.. You can go years without a tear being shed and all of a sudden something reminds you of that person and your in a ball crying. The last 11 months, I've felt like going into a ball and crying.. But I have a family to take care of and they come first before my emotions. Some days I just can't shake me being sad and I can tell the boys know something is wrong. All I can tell them is mommy is fine and everything will be okay. But when will it be okay? I wish I had the answer.. I truly wish I knew when this grieving process would be over it. But like everyone says "time heals all wounds".. 

Rest in peace Dad. We love & miss you.