(Rewind back to 7/2012) I haven't saw my family in a good 3-4 years, due to the Army. Not only is my husband in the military, my brother in law was also enlisted. He ended up getting stationed in Alaska, so that is why I hadn't seen them in so long & my parents decided to move there as well. When I found out my brother in law was getting out & my family was moving to Erie, Pa I was estatic! Erie is only 4.5 hours from Fort Drum (where we are now). My parents moved back in July first and got everything settled for my sister and her husband & kids to move their way over. Since, my husband had to go to California for NTC (training before deployment) in August for a month, I figured I would go there with my boys & stay for the month.
On August 15th, (my birthday & day before we were leaving for Pa) my mom called me to tell me some news. My dad had gone to the ER to get a bump on his head checked out because it seemed like a bug bite in Alaska, but only got bigger. That's when I heard her say "Steph, dad has cancer". My heart dropped into my stomach. That's all we knew, we didn't know if it was a benign or malignant tumor at the time. I was baffled... My dad was very healthy, never had health problems (except getting part of his colon removed in Alaska) other then that he was fine.
A few weeks after getting to Pa & finally seeing my family and catching up, my dad went for his head surgery to remove the tumor. I give him props because that's hard to decide, getting your skull cut opened isn't easy, but he was the type of guy that would overcome anything.
malignant tumor
a tumor that is malignant and tends to spread to other parts of the body
He was in denial, actually we ALL were in denial about it. He didn't want to hear or believe it. The tumor had already spread to parts of his kidney & lungs, the doctor gave him 6 months - 12 months to live. If he decided on taking the chemotherapy then it was lengthen his life by just a few months, he didn't want the chemo. He saw how bad my grandfather got from it to where your almost bed ridden most of the time from being sick. He did however decide to do some radiation for parts of the tumor they couldn't get out. Didn't work. September came around, Henry came home, so the boys & I went home. Saying bye to my dad was so hard, next time I would see him would be Christmas time.
When we went there for the holidays, I knew it would be my last holidays with my father. By this time you could tell he was sick, his face & body got skinnier. I was already 6 months pregnant & was preparing for Henry to deploy that January. What a way to end the year right? I gave my dad his gift and ill never forget his face. It was a Yankees picture (he loves the Yankees & NY Giants), he loved it, and hung it up right away. This would be our last picture with our dad.
& this was our last picture with him.
It was now January & at the end of the month was gone.. Back to Afghanistan for a second time he went. I just felt so alone with everything going on. My in laws drove up in February to help out (I was due in March). My dad always kept texting me saying "I hope I'm around to see the baby". He wanted to see that baby so badly & he held on. I had the baby on March 23, 2013 & this would be the last text message I would ever receive from my dad.
He had no idea what I was planning.. My sister and nephew traveled by Amtrak up here to drive with me and the boys back to Pa. 7 days after giving birth I was on my way to see my dad and stay with him until it was his time to go. (That's right, one week after giving birth, stitches and all I still went) When we arrived that night on April 1st he was shocked, he said "Steph what are you doing?" I was holding the baby trying to hold back tears & I said "dad, see the baby". He was out of it, he had gotten worse since the last time I saw him. He put out his arms to hold the baby & my mom said no because he was too weak & shakey, he got mad & I felt horrible. He would never be able to hold his last grandson & I regretfully never got a picture with him and the baby.
Exactly 2 weeks of me being there on April 15, I got up to feed the baby and get ready to bring my nephew to school. My sister went downstairs to check on our dad like she did every morning & all of a sudden I heard her yell "Steph, dads not breathing"... My heart sank & I became blank. I handed her the baby told her to calm down, I went down there to check it out, went around his bed, felt his boney chest and felt his cold hands.. He was gone. My dad lost his battle to lung cancer. He was such a fighter. He held on to the very end. I give my mom and my sister a lot of kudos for what they did for him. Although I helped also, they were more hands on with him, I don't know maybe because I'm younger.
I ran upstairs to wake my mom up & told her what happened, I put the baby in his bassinet and we all went downstairs. My mom called the hospice nurse and told her the news. I just remember all of us crying, saying he's in a better place with no more pain. It felt so unreal. I just sat there staring, couldn't believe what I was seeing. Hospice came, checked him out, gave my mom his time of death, filled out paperwork, & that's when the funeral home came. My mom was worried about me seeing all of this so she asked if I wanted to be there to watch and I said yes.. I was there for him the last two weeks, I will be there for him now I thought. They took his body away & he was on his way to the funeral home to be cremated.
The night before the social worker for hospice had sent out a Red Cross message for Henry to come home. Thankfully he was already on his way but he never got to say bye to my dad. The next day my mom, sister, and I went to the funeral home to say our last goodbyes. We watched as the funeral director pushed him into the crematory. Something I will never forget. I don't wish any of this on my worst enemy.
These last six months have been nothing but a struggle. Being pregnant, my husband deploying, having a baby without my husband, & losing my dad. Everyday my baby is a reminder of my dad. He will never get to meet my dad and my dad will never be able to see him grow up. On the 15th, my dad will be gone 5 months & it hasn't gotten easier, they say time heals all wounds, but a lot of time is going to have to pass for me to be able to get over it and move on. Right now it just doesn't seem possible. Something I found so weird was, my birthday is 8/15 and my dad passed away 8 months to the day he found out he had cancer on the 15th.. Coincidence? Landen's middle name is Derick.. My dads name is Frederick and my mom had asked my dad if he liked Eric or Derick better for the baby and he picked Derick. And I'm happy I decided to go with Derick. Everyday I look at Landen &I just see my dad. I know my dad is watching over him and his brothers and he would be proud.
How did you cope with a love ones death?
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